{"id":130017,"date":"2024-11-25T20:00:20","date_gmt":"2024-11-25T13:00:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=130017"},"modified":"2024-11-25T20:00:20","modified_gmt":"2024-11-25T13:00:20","slug":"the-mom-of-the-problem-child-finally-intervened-but-not-at-all-in-the-way-i-wanted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=130017","title":{"rendered":"The mom of the problem child finally intervened. But not at all in the way I wanted."},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-layout-key=\"-fb+5w+4e-db+86\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"7910942971\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div itemprop=\"mainEntityOfPage\">\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"18\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4xdo00010q3kymtusjt7r@published\"><em>Slate Plus members get\u00a0more\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/human-interest\/care-and-feeding\"><em>Care and Feeding<\/em><\/a><em>\u00a0every week. Have a question about kids, parenting, or family life?\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/forms.gle\/4BXEw8Wtcd7aAyXh9\"><em>Submit it here<\/em><\/a><em>!<\/em><\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"4\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4ykz0002b3b702vln6meg@published\"><strong>Dear Care and Feeding,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"56\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y3uj001h3b70f0baqo6l@published\">I live in a small, isolated town where my 2-year-old daughter and another 2-and-a-half-year-old, \u201cVanessa,\u201d are among the few young children. Vanessa has developed concerning behaviors\u2014hitting and shoving other kids when she wants toys or space. Her mother \u201cCara,\u201d who had a difficult Soviet upbringing, has admitted she struggles with discipline and often seeks my advice.<\/p>\n<aside data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-roadblock\/instances\/cm3t4xdo00012q3kyvy4rvp4t@published\" class=\"slate-roadblock\">\n<\/aside>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"89\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y3wb001i3b706kxep21i@published\">Recently, Cara has started intervening more\u2014which is great!\u2014but her approach is problematic. When Vanessa pushes kids or grabs toys, instead of addressing the aggressive behavior, Cara teaches her to say things like, \u201cCan I please have the toy?\u201d before taking it, or \u201cPlease go away\u201d before shoving other kids. Other parents are becoming upset, and I can see why. This approach validates the problematic behavior rather than correcting it. I want to help Cara develop better strategies, but given her background and vulnerability, how do I approach this sensitively?<\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"2\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y3y8001j3b703vgpbvzn@published\">\u2014Playground Diplomat<\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"2\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y3zy001k3b70pxdxahlf@published\"><strong>Dear Diplomat,\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"121\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y41v001l3b7053rjhpvy@published\">Cara sounds like she\u2019s on the right track but might be missing the subtleties. It\u2019s hard to offer concrete advice when I don\u2019t fully know the dynamic between you both. If she\u2019s genuinely looking for coaching, I suppose you could bring it up on your own. You could say something like, \u201cHey, you asked for my advice before. Can I share some of what I\u2019m observing? Or tell me to mind my own business!\u201d Bear in mind, though, that this question isn\u2019t really a fair one, as it doesn\u2019t give Cara a good way to say, \u201cNo thanks\u201d without coming across rudely. So it\u2019s the kind of opener you should only use where there is true mutual trust between both parties.<\/p>\n<aside data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/in-article-recirc\/instances\/cm3t4xdo00014q3kyuvvr9vel@published\" class=\"in-article-recirc\" data-via=\"article-inline_recirc-section-advice\">\n<ol class=\"in-article-recirc__list\">\n<li class=\"in-article-recirc__item\">\n          <a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/advice\/2024\/11\/unconvetional-marriage-daughter-kids-parenting-advice.html\" class=\"in-article-recirc__link\"><\/p>\n<p>            My Daughter Has an \u201cUnconventional\u201d Marriage. I Don\u2019t Understand How She Could Accept This.<br \/>\n          <\/a>\n        <\/li>\n<li class=\"in-article-recirc__item\">\n          <a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/advice\/2024\/11\/naked-nudity-man-penis-shrinkage-average-size-advice.html\" class=\"in-article-recirc__link\"><\/p>\n<p>            My Wife Has Never Seen Me Fully Naked. I\u2019m Ashamed of the Reason Why.<br \/>\n          <\/a>\n        <\/li>\n<li class=\"in-article-recirc__item\">\n          <a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/advice\/2024\/11\/dear-prudence-cooking-niece-condition.html\" class=\"in-article-recirc__link\"><br \/>\n            <svg class=\"slate-roadblock-signifier slate-roadblock-signifier--block\" width=\"95\" height=\"12\" viewbox=\"0 0 95 12\"><title>This Content is Available for Slate Plus members only<\/title>\n      <use width=\"10\" height=\"12\" x=\"0\" class=\"slate-roadblock-signifier__lock\" href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/static\/media\/sites\/slate-com\/signifiers-sprite.7a83949.svg#lock\"\/><use width=\"78\" height=\"12\" x=\"15\" class=\"slate-roadblock-signifier__splus\" href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/static\/media\/sites\/slate-com\/global-sprite.453518f.svg#splus\"\/>\n  <\/svg><br \/>\n            Help! I Let My Adult Niece Live With Me and My Son on One Condition. She Already Broke It.<br \/>\n          <\/a>\n        <\/li>\n<li class=\"in-article-recirc__item\">\n          <a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/advice\/2024\/11\/therapy-revelations-forgiveness-care-and-feeding.html\" class=\"in-article-recirc__link\"><\/p>\n<p>            I\u2019ve Had Major Revelations in Therapy About How I Mistreated My Daughter. But She Won\u2019t Forgive Me.<br \/>\n          <\/a>\n        <\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/aside>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"177\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y43v001m3b70sf1qjm9n@published\">One of the gentler options would be to model the behavior. This might require you and Cara to be more involved with the kids than you might otherwise be (in the sandbox, versus catching up off to the side, for example). When your daughter says yes or no to someone\u2019s request for a toy, you can praise her for using her words and replying. If Vanessa asks for a toy and doesn\u2019t wait for a reply before taking it, you can pipe up with, \u201cOops, Vanessa I don\u2019t think he was ready to share. Can you let him play with his toy for another minute and ask again?\u201d You can let Cara take it from there.\u00a0 When Vanessa says, \u201cPlease go away\u201d and then immediately shoves a kid, you can wince and say, \u201cOh dear, so close. She\u2019s still struggling with remembering not to shove at all, huh?\u201d Things like this put you in the position of commiserating fellow parent, rather than sanctimonious parenting guide, which I think is a more comfortable place to be for everyone.<\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"75\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y46g001n3b70wmq0lzmz@published\">Finally, I\u2019m always a fan of books. If Cara is truly curious for more help, pick up a few of your favorites. \u201cI know you were asking me for advice the other day, but a lot of what I learned came from these. Thought they might help you, too.\u201d If you don\u2019t have favorites, the classics of <a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/1-2-3-magic-3-step-discipline-for-calm-effective-and-happy-parenting-thomas-phelan\/10930754?ean=9781492629887\"><em>1, 2, 3 Magic<\/em><\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/p\/books\/how-to-talk-so-kids-will-listen-listen-so-kids-will-talk-adele-faber\/12161462?ean=9781451663884\"><em>How to Talk So Kids Will Listen\u2026<\/em><\/a><em> <\/em>are always a great starter kit.<\/p>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"1\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4y5ub001u3b70lnwa1coc@published\"><span class=\"slate-paragraph--tombstone\">\u2014Allison<\/span><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"subhead subhead--none\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/subhead\/instances\/cm3t4yb7300223b70vvbccwc6@published\">\n<p>More Advice From Slate<\/p>\n<\/h3>\n<p class=\"slate-paragraph slate-graf\" data-word-count=\"70\" data-uri=\"slate.com\/_components\/slate-paragraph\/instances\/cm3t4xdo00013q3kyk88lked2@published\">I\u2019ve changed and my husband hasn\u2019t. We have two kids (11 and 7). Our 11-year-old has autism (think Young Sheldon) and caring for him takes a lot of time and energy, not to mention trying to balance love and attention for my 7-year-old. I don\u2019t mind at all, I LOVE being a mother, but my husband keeps accusing me of <a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/human-interest\/2023\/06\/before-kids-party-husband-care-and-feeding-advice.html\">\u201cbeing done with him now that I had our children.\u201d<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p><script type=\"text\/javascript\">\n!function(f,b,e,v,n,t,s){\nif(f.fbq)return;n=f.fbq=function(){n.callMethod?\nn.callMethod.apply(n,arguments):n.queue.push(arguments)};if(!f._fbq)f._fbq=n;\nn.push=n;n.loaded=!0;n.version='2.0';n.queue=[];t=b.createElement(e);t.async=!0;\nt.src=v;s=b.getElementsByTagName(e)[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(t,s)}(window,\ndocument,'script','https:\/\/connect.facebook.net\/en_US\/fbevents.js');\n<\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-layout-key=\"-fb+5w+4e-db+86\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"7910942971\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1660802\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/slate.com\/advice\/2024\/11\/problem-child-intervention-play-parenting-advice.html\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Slate Plus members get\u00a0more\u00a0Care and Feeding\u00a0every week. Have a question about kids, parenting, or family life?\u00a0Submit it here! Dear Care and Feeding,\u00a0 I live in a small, isolated town where &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=130017\" class=\"more-link\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[8630],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-130017","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-technology","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/130017","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=130017"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/130017\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=130017"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=130017"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=130017"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}