{"id":131731,"date":"2024-11-30T10:15:55","date_gmt":"2024-11-30T03:15:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=131731"},"modified":"2024-11-30T10:15:55","modified_gmt":"2024-11-30T03:15:55","slug":"i-felt-no-empathy-love-or-connection-for-decades-until-i-tried-one-specific-therapy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=131731","title":{"rendered":"I Felt No Empathy, Love, Or Connection For Decades \u2014 Until I Tried One Specific Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"<p> <script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-layout-key=\"-fb+5w+4e-db+86\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"7910942971\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script><br \/>\n<\/p>\n<div>\n<p id=\"17c8\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">The first time someone described EMDR to me, it sounded like new-age quackery. Then again, I wasn\u2019t exactly opposed.\u00a0<\/p>\n<h2>In an attempt to understand and overcome my severe dissociation and lack of empathy, love, and connection, I tried just about every therapy \u2014 EMDR was the only one to work.<\/h2>\n<p id=\"0bf9\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I\u2019d been to multiple talk therapists, all of whom called me \u201crational\u201d and \u201clevel-headed\u201d before assigning me self-help titles like this was an expensive, exclusive book club. Medical doctors suggested MRIs and thyroid medication.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p id=\"0bf9\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">On the less-scientific end of things, I\u2019d tried Reiki. Hypnotherapy. Yoga. Acupuncture. One Manhattan-based Shaman laid me down on a buffalo skin and fanned me with feathers while she extracted my inner demons.<\/p>\n<p id=\"49d7\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Nothing worked. For almost two decades, I lived disconnected from my body. The world around me looked dull and dream-like. I felt virtually no pain, physical or emotional. I also felt no empathy, connection, or love.<\/p>\n<p id=\"d46e\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Finally, as I neared my 30th birthday, one psychologist presented a diagnosis alongside a supposed solution: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/diseases-conditions\/depersonalization-derealization-disorder\/symptoms-causes\/syc-20352911#:~:text=Overview,re%20living%20in%20a%20dream.\" rel=\"noopener ugc nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">Depersonalization-Derealization Disorder<\/a>, she said, and I could fix it with EMDR. \u201cBut first you should consider whether or not you <em>want<\/em> to fix it,\u201d my therapist warned. \u201cDissociation is the brain\u2019s way of protecting you from trauma. Without it, you may not be as calm, or motivated, or logical.\u201d<\/p>\n<p id=\"fd7f\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Logic be darned I decided I wanted to feel again.<\/p>\n<h3>What is EMDR?<\/h3>\n<p class=\"media media--type-image media--view-mode-default\"> <span class=\"field field--name-field-media-image field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item\"> <img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/sites\/default\/files\/image_blog\/2024-11\/serious-woman-sitting-therapy.png\" width=\"850\" height=\"1200\" alt=\"serious woman sitting in therapy\" title=\"I Felt No Empathy, Love, Or Connection For Two Decades Until One Specific Therapy Finally Fixed Me\" class=\"img-fluid\" typeof=\"foaf:Image\"\/><\/span> <span class=\"field field--name-field-credit field--type-string field--label-hidden field__item\">cottonbro studio | Pexels<\/span><\/p>\n<p id=\"85da\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">EMDR stands for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/ptsd-guideline\/treatments\/eye-movement-reprocessing\" rel=\"noopener ugc nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing<\/a>. The scientific definition: a proven psychotherapy technique that uses <a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5061320\/\" rel=\"noopener ugc nofollow\" target=\"_blank\">bilateral stimulation<\/a> (an activity that stimulates both sides of the body in a rhythmic left-right pattern) to help the brain process traumatic memories frozen in the amygdala, the fight-or-flight center of the brain.<\/p>\n<p id=\"2e6d\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">In layman\u2019s terms: You focus on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/heartbreak\/tiniest-way-know-childhood-trauma-affecting-you-now\">your most messed-up memories<\/a> and watch a finger (or, in my case, a glowing square) bounce back and forth.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/failed-at-therapy-true-recovery-began\">I Failed At Therapy \u2014 And That&#8217;s When My True Recovery Began<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p id=\"b927\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">My therapist and I scheduled a few virtual intake sessions. I compiled a list of memories that qualified as traumatic \u2014 or so I\u2019d been told \u2014 and then I read them off to her as if I were reciting a grocery list:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li id=\"e04d\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">My older brother has been trying to end his life since he developed bipolar disorder at 11. More often than not, I was the person who talked him out of it.<\/li>\n<li id=\"03d3\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">My dad cheated on my mom shortly before her kidneys failed and then they got divorced.<\/li>\n<li id=\"dd87\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">My best friend developed acute schizophrenia overnight when he was drugged at a music festival and then he committed suicide.<\/li>\n<li id=\"6730\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I endured abuse between the ages of five and eight (I couldn\u2019t remember exactly when or how many times it happened) at the hands of someone I trusted.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p id=\"1829\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Finally, after recording my earliest memory and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/how-use-54321-method-stop-panic-attacks\">teaching me some grounding techniques<\/a>, my therapist gave me the green light.<\/p>\n<h3>It was time to start EMDR.<\/h3>\n<p class=\"media media--type-image media--view-mode-default\"> <span class=\"field field--name-field-media-image field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item\"> <img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/sites\/default\/files\/image_blog\/2024-11\/upset-young-woman-hugging-knees-chest.png\" width=\"850\" height=\"1200\" alt=\"upset young woman hugging her knees to her chest\" title=\"I Felt No Empathy, Love, Or Connection For Two Decades Until One Specific Therapy Finally Fixed Me\" class=\"img-fluid\" typeof=\"foaf:Image\"\/><\/span> <span class=\"field field--name-field-credit field--type-string field--label-hidden field__item\">Liza Summer | Pexels<\/span><\/p>\n<h3>It was time to start EMDR.<\/h3>\n<p id=\"5fd4\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">She clicked her mouse and her face disappeared from my laptop. The screen turned black and I saw a glowing blue square in the middle. She clicked again. The square started moving, back and forth. I followed it with my eyes.<\/p>\n<p id=\"7e47\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left. It stopped.<\/p>\n<p id=\"bbb0\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">\u201cWhat do you feel?\u201d my therapist asked.<\/p>\n<p id=\"8da8\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">\u201cNothing.\u201d Per usual.<\/p>\n<p id=\"0e85\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">\u201cOkay, let\u2019s go again.\u201d<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/common-types-therapy-therapists\">15 Common Types Of Therapy And How To Know Which You Need<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p id=\"7f1f\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">We went again. And again. After the third time, I was ready to mentally toss EMDR into the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/therapist-approved-techniques-conquering-fears\">ever-growing pile of techniques that couldn\u2019t fix me<\/a>. And then it happened.<\/p>\n<p>A stirring in my chest. An emotion that grew from a raindrop into a puddle into a wave into a tsunami. It swept over me \u2014 drowned me in its weight and complexity \u2014 and for the first time since I was a child, I felt. My dissociation had cracked open.<\/p>\n<h3>EMDR made me human again.<\/h3>\n<p class=\"media media--type-image media--view-mode-default\"> <span class=\"field field--name-field-media-image field--type-image field--label-hidden field__item\"> <img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/sites\/default\/files\/image_blog\/2024-11\/upset-woman-holding-hand-face.png\" width=\"850\" height=\"1200\" alt=\"upset woman holding her hand up to her face\" title=\"I Felt No Empathy, Love, Or Connection For Two Decades Until One Specific Therapy Finally Fixed Me\" class=\"img-fluid\" typeof=\"foaf:Image\"\/><\/span> <span class=\"field field--name-field-credit field--type-string field--label-hidden field__item\">Antoni Shkraba | Pexels<\/span><\/p>\n<p id=\"0691\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">Over the next week, all the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/trauma-therapy-give-boyfriend-recap-every-session\">emotions I\u2019d refused to feel for the past two decades<\/a> shoved their way to the surface and poured out of me. I was catatonic for two days straight. I sobbed. I dry-heaved. I felt like I was in a deep, dark hole, and nothing I did or said could ever get me out of it.<\/p>\n<p id=\"18f0\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I scheduled an emergency session with my therapist. I moved my eyes back and forth. Inch by inch, memory by memory, I clawed my way out of that deep, dark hole. And then the real healing began.<\/p>\n<p>I am a walking billboard for the odd psychotherapy technique that healed my deepest wounds.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/health-wellness\/perfect-therapy-people-who-dont-want-talk\">The Perfect Therapy For People Who Don&#8217;t Want To Talk<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p id=\"b7a4\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I\u2019ve been in EMDR for almost three years now. My <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/things-learned-from-therapy\">therapist has helped me process<\/a> all of the memories on my traumatic grocery list and then some. Using patience, presence, and back-and-forth eye movements, we work through whatever comes up.<\/p>\n<p id=\"70fd\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I\u2019m back in my body. The world around me looks vivid and solidified. I feel everything. I\u2019m not as calm or motivated or logical as I used to be \u2014 but it\u2019s worth it.<\/p>\n<p id=\"fa4d\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I\u2019m deeply in love with a man who makes space for my messiest truths. I honor the fiery, sensitive child inside of me who has finally woken up again.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p id=\"fa4d\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\">I surround myself with people who accept and support this version of me, and I do the same for others. I look other human beings in the eye and sit with them in their joy or pain, knowing that one cannot exist without the other.<\/p>\n<p class=\"article-body-related-links\"><strong>RELATED: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/emdr-therapy-changed-my-life\">I Was Skeptical, But EMDR Therapy Changed My Life \u2014 &#8216;It Felt Like Relief From The Confines Of My Mind&#8217;<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p id=\"fe41\" data-selectable-paragraph=\"\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/users\/mariacassano92\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><em>Maria Cassano<\/em><\/a><em> is a writer, editor, and journalist whose work has appeared on NBC, Bustle, CNN, The Daily Beast, Food &amp; Wine, and Allure, among others.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<div class=\"midcat-most-popular\"><span>Related Stories From YourTango:<\/span><\/div>\n<\/div>\n<p><script async src=\"https:\/\/pagead2.googlesyndication.com\/pagead\/js\/adsbygoogle.js?client=ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     crossorigin=\"anonymous\"><\/script>\r\n<ins class=\"adsbygoogle\"\r\n     style=\"display:block\"\r\n     data-ad-format=\"fluid\"\r\n     data-ad-layout-key=\"-fb+5w+4e-db+86\"\r\n     data-ad-client=\"ca-pub-3711241968723425\"\r\n     data-ad-slot=\"7910942971\"><\/ins>\r\n<script>\r\n     (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});\r\n<\/script><br \/>\n<br \/><div data-type=\"_mgwidget\" data-widget-id=\"1660802\">\r\n<\/div>\r\n<script>(function(w,q){w[q]=w[q]||[];w[q].push([\"_mgc.load\"])})(window,\"_mgq\");\r\n<\/script>\r\n<br \/>\n<br \/><a href=\"https:\/\/www.yourtango.com\/self\/felt-no-empathy-love-connection-until-emdr\">Source link <\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The first time someone described EMDR to me, it sounded like new-age quackery. Then again, I wasn\u2019t exactly opposed.\u00a0 In an attempt to understand and overcome my severe dissociation and &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/?p=131731\" class=\"more-link\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-131731","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-health","entry"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131731","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=131731"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/131731\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=131731"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=131731"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/hotvideos24.online\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=131731"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}